losers...you or me?

what a roller-coaster day it has been.
shouting in front of almost 1000 adolescents is not the right way to start the day... but that was what just happened. some really obstinate donkeys just refused to adhere to the rules and caused unwanted attention on themselves. they were sly, conniving and think we were fools not to notice what they were doing. already 17 and not an ounce of sensible thinking in the pea brain. really felt like slapping them. so if anything happens to my car which is park outside the house, u will know who and why lah it happens. let's just keep my fingers crossed that whatever happened in the hall, will remain a thing in the hall.

i need to cool down. but the hot and dry weather is not helping at all. jet said, even while standing he is sweating. it is just this hot. imagine doing sports in the middle of the afternoon under the glaring sun?!! try going to all school fields around your neighbourhoods, i think this is a common sight now. i don't expect those on the field to excel at all but at least, do have some discipline and let the things flow smoothly and co-operate with your teachers. those poor souls have to stand under the same sun as you and shout instructions. there are only a few of them and hundreds of you on the field. you all should know better.

and i hate myself for being so touchy with matters of people not being serious in training. why do i bother so much? why am i so concerned if you are disciplined or not? is it my glory when you win and is it my failure when you lose? i am happy to see someone who has let out her frustration and crying out in front of the public eyes. why am i so cruel you ask. at least i know that she still cares for her own achievement and she knows that she has failed. i know she is sorry but i dun want her to feel sorry to me. i want her to pick herself up and work towards a better her. bring out the discipline you have and train. if you fail this year, continue for the rest of the year and prove to me that you can next year. time is on your side, do not give up!!!

i hate those jokers who think just because i am not fierce and take advantage of me. being strict and fierce are two different things. i am strict and i hate it when you fool around thinking that you are funny. there will be times when u can be funny and we can have fun, but when it is training, it is not. i dun want to disappoint those who wanna try but do not have that talent and i dun wanna force too hard those who have the talents but dun wanna try at all. those in the second group are losers!!! big time losers! you just dare not go for it and scared of losing.

thank godness there are still those who will show me their gratitude and joy that i am being me. it helps to clear the blue and lift me out of the trench of frustration. i know it is pathetic but hey some nice words (sincerely or just an act depending on who you are) still help.

i am drained.