of winning and losing

it was a hot day, no, it was very hot. however, that was better than the rainy morning we had yesterday. after all, it was the annual sports day so of course everyone prayed for full sunlight and a dry field.

this year's competition was no less exciting and intense than last year's. although i was not the head of the sports house, i felt so involved because the kids just came to me. i spent 2 afternoons making, designing, cutting, pasting, etc the props to be used in the march past inside my cool living room with the kids. well the effort and time spent were worth it- we won! quite a few years in a row.

there were of course tears of frustration and joy. i hate this part! there were calls of unfair results, unsportsmanlike behaviour, injuries, etc. sports people should know that the results of the judges are final and it was not up to us to rectify the results on our whims and fancies. those who learn in the process are the real winners because you would have gained something which cannot be exchanged with a medal or cash.

well, some might said that i could say what i like because i won and my team won (sapu habis all the big piala). i won because my team won the 4x 100m relay. i could not hear the shouts when i was running. i only knew i had to push myself to the maximum and reach the last person who was to receive my baton. the lungs felt like exploding...it had been a long long while since i last had this kind of feeling. man, it felt good. i was happy with my performance and all the praises i got from both male and female adults and kids were the icing on the cake.

i think i have digressed from what i wanted to share earlier. there was this regret of my action on the sports field which happened in district sports meet where i was to take part in the 200m race. it still felt like it had only happened yesterday. i made it to the final but before the race, i had cold feet. i had a feeling i would not win the race and told my coach that i wanted to pull out from the race. the coach could not do nothing already because i had totally given up at that time. so he told me to just get into my lane and start the race but not run the race. get it? i was only to start that few steps and then walked out of the track. that to me was one of the most shameful things i have ever done in my life. i even got the other runners disoriented and they also stopped running thinking that there was a false start. the race was started for the second time and i really did walk out. so i know how it feels to lose because i think my loss is greater than a runner who comes in last in a race. at least the last place runner has tried his/her best and completed the race. so no matter what it is nowadays, i am not going to let anyone repeat my mistake and regret it years later. i have also learnt not to laugh or tease at others with the intention of shaming them because i know how it felt.


on a happier note, i have kids coming to me asking me to teach them how to run. and yesterday, someone told me that she chose to do what i am doing now because she wants to be like me. owww....how touching was that? some ppl felt that i have wasted my talent and not being able to climb higher ladder (i do think so too sometimes....greedy ma) but when i hear ppl saying they are inspired by me, i knew that i have done alright despite my shortcomings. it is the best gift one can ever get.