Saturday, March 01, 2008

pouring session


it has been a horrible emotional roller coaster ride this week and i am totally emotionally drained.


i just feel so hurt by some nasty things that some thoughtless imbecile said. i have been doing training under the scorching hot sun, standing in the middle of the field with the rest of the team, passing whatever knowledge i know to improve that jump, and throw and you said that i had something to gain personally for all what i did!!! how hurtful it was. it really caught me off-guard when the words came out and all i wanted to do was just to break down. what have i gained till now?

a tan, uneven complexion, breakouts, a red nose to match bozo the clown, hoarse voice, fatigue, stiff neck, and stress.

whatever glory gained is yours and not mine. i am just the person behind the screen and like most people, i will be brushed aside at the prize giving ceremony. and if you lose, i will not blame you because winning is not exactly on my mind when i train. i just hope that you can learn from the sessions and toughen up when you go out into the society. sport is the best training for discipline and losers do not make good athletes (of course you need to have some talents as well).

i can't wait for the sports season to be over. it is the worst season by far and i really feel like giving up. but i can't because i have been selected to head the club. and that means responsibility on my part to train. i can't just act as if i don't care. i do seem to have that cavalier attitude but i am serious and strict and i care.

at the end of the day, i only have my own self to console myself. i tell myself that it is all right, i know i have done my best. yes, i feel hurt when i do not get even a 'thank you' and you all giveaway tokens to others (this is jealousy :() and not me.

i will just end this and close the wounds. after all, tears have been wasted and i do not want to do that nor feel that way again. i will just go back to my cavalierism and act tough...at least on the outside. the inside is for myself.

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