m.e.l.a.n.c.h.o.l.i.c.

have you ever felt sick but then you are not really sick literally??

that is how i feel now. i feel the body is sick but from outside, i am totally all right.

feel kinda melancholy, depressed and moody. why? would a moody person know why she is moody?

i yearn so much to get away from work. i am sick of work! of all the books and papers waiting to be marked. i am tired.

i am tired of minding my cafes and others' cafes in the cyber world. my time has been controlled by the timing of all those dishes to be cooked and collected and all those requests to send out.

tomorrow, it is mid-autumn festival. i read somewhere that it is to celebrate the end of the harvesting season as well in the past. so it is the time when family members will get together and eat. but there will be no such thing for me. they are just going to perform the prayers tomorrow and we do not have special get-together meal.

i might just escape to ipoh for a movie, most probably 'contagion' and get myself more paranoid and depressed.

i need to tear myself away from cafe world and declutter the mess in me. sometimes, time alone is the best for some internal cleansing. don't you think so? just like tonight. it is quite here and i am all alone. my housemate is watching her hong kong series in her room and i am all alone downstairs now.

after this, i am going to get myself focused on marking and then do some reading before i head to bed. i need a good sleep. did not get any sound sleep back home in the weekend. strange huh, not to be getting a good sleep when you are in your own home. the truth is, i miss my room. aunt will be leaving for germany on tuesday, so i guess next weekend i will get my room back for few months.

there has been this lingering headache too since this morning and it is really pissing me off.

all right, i am going to get lost in marking for one hour starting from now. good night world.