personality eclipse

i have finished reading new moon...as predicted. one day- and i did not put the book down since i got back from work in the afternoon, except when i needed to go for my brisk walk time, dinner and shower. unfortunately, it did not manage to evoke the same kind of intense emotion as in the first book. and i think i know why- edward is missing for the most part. it is the yearning for love, of finding love and experiencing the sharing and the bliss of sharing the new journey in twilight which drew me to it like a gigantic magnet.

does it reflect my own state now?? or the lack of it which makes me cringe everytime edward and bella share their intimacy. the more i read, the more i realise or can feel the void and hollowness in me. i am only human and a vulnerable one at this.

we had to attend a talk at the work place this morning regarding ways to manage stress and healthy eating. there was a warm-up slot where you had to close your eyes and relax and do gestures or small movements instructed. and oh boy, what a 'vision' i had when i close my eyes in my own world. ...............if you can't stand corny stuff....stop reading now.........................................no reward for guessing what came to me. sigh....edward. (muahahahaha) the sound on the microphone told us all to relax, and all i could see was edward. the sound told us to turn our head to the left and right, and i imagined edward breathing onto my neck and throat. the sound told me to put my palms up on my lap and curl my fingers, and i curled mine imagining edward's were in mine. the sound told us to smile, and i did albeit a sad one coming from the realisation that my life is void from the kind of love expressed in the book.

sad huh. this piece seems more suitable in a personal diary but i dun think i want to bottle up this feeling.

i wonder if i would feel the same way if i had read twilight in my teen. well, i had all my lovey dovey doses of mills and boons in secondary school mind you, but it was not the same. why am i feeling this way? i tried to remember the last romance novel i read but i guess they all ended up happily ever after and did not have as much pain as in this one.

well, this kind of melancholy will still be around me for few days no doubt. i have eclipse with me now and breaking dawn is coming on monday. i am just getting online to do some chores and then i will start the book. i won't be able to put it down once i start.