from eye to head

now how do i begin this post....

on this saturday morning, the morning started earlier than usual. i woke up at 7.30a.m. came down, made myself two pieces of chocolate raisin toasts and a cup of coffee. grandma had woken up by then (we were the only 2 awake ones at that time) and upon seeing me wake up, she took out the broom and started sweeping the floor. she thought i had a class. well, sometimes i do have class starting at 8a.m. but not today.

i made an appointment with dad to drive me down to kl...i went for my eye check-up.
well, i did complain about my eye-sight getting worse again and my check last time showed that i had around 125 'power' on both my eyes.

since it is going to be a more detailed check this time where they dilated my pupils, i needed a driver because my sight was going to be blurry. dad said he would drive me when i called him to request his service.
we started our journey to vista lasik centre at the curve at 8.30a.m. and we reached there sharp at the office at 9.30a.m. my appointment was at 9.30a.m. very punctual indeed.
i had set my mind to do my enhancement laser the following friday because i know their surgery day is friday. and coincidently, next friday is a public holiday for wesak day.
i was dreading the wait because the centre is usually very very busy...and since chinching had to squeeze me in at that time slot due to a careless mistake she made earlier, i was expecting the worst.

but bless you chinching, the staff was very very efficient today. my name was called 5 mins after i went in and i was brought to a dark resting room....to rest the eyes before the check-up.

dad had earlier wanted to browse a bookshop looking for information related to his china trip and i suggested that he went to popular at ikano since they have more chinese materials there.

and so i came into this room to rest. both the massage chairs were already taken and i found myself the found with the calf and foot massage machine. gosh....i will never put my legs in the machine ever again. and don't buy this gintell machine if you are looking for a leg massage ok. choose osim's. we have that at home and it is much much better. this gintell only squeezed and prodded your calf hard without any massage. it was painful and uncomfortable. before the auto-timer came to an end, i had already switched it off. urrgghh!!!!

and soooo went into the rooms for test pressure, test short-sightedness, etc. i think it is good news that cornea thickness is around 470....that means i can still do the normal no-blade lasik.

last procedure- to have consultation with the doctor.....and this was when thing took a twist.

doctor went through the report of my checks and suggested that i take the nasa custom lasik and only do it on one eye....the dominant one...which is my right eye. if i do the normal one, chances of me wearing reading glasses at the age of 40 is high, but if i do custom, i won't be needing it. although i am only doing it on one eye, it won't make a difference since it is my dominant one we are correcting.

well, i was prepared for his suggestion before i went into his consultation room because he suggested it in my last visit. but now, he only suggested that i do it on one eye....man, that was good news....i will pay less.

then he brought me to a machine to check the flap made on the eye last time for the previous surgery.....and he found more than i bargained for. bless him for that....

ready for this?? i am.

the doctor took some photos to show me his discovery. the nerves/discs in my eye are slightly swollen. he showed them to me in the photos taken. that is not a good sign. the reason why they are swollen is because of pressure in the brain. then he started asking me if i had headaches, or nausea.

well, i do have headaches and my head do feel heavy on and off, if you recall me complaining. and remember my vertigo episode once last month?? so i told the doctor lah.
let's not think of the worst case scenario for now although the doctor did tell me what it was.

so for now, i am to go for consultation with a neurologist and to get an mri (magnetic resonance imaging) scan. the doctor refered me to a doctor at sime darby medical centre and he wrote me a referral letter for that purpose.

i was very calm listening to all this....there was no anxiety or whatsoever because i have always been prepared for the worst. i actually had a premonition of this kind of diagnosis once but let's not get to it.

so for now, no enhancement lasik. i am going for another consultation on monday. so it's a day off for me from work.

so the consultation with the eye doctor ended and i paid rm50 for that. i left the lasik centre at around 12 noon. it was really efficient and early this time.

then i called dad to check where he was. popular bookstore was his answer.

on my way to ikano, i called kaixian, my speed dial doctor for opinion on mri. hahaha...
he told me that hukm in cheras has neurologists and they do have mri scanner there....so why don't i go there because i won't have to pay a cent?
but going to government hospital is equivalent to a lot of waiting. i said i would think about it.

got hold of dad in popular and he got the books he wanted on china tourism and shanghai expo. i also got a galaxie and female magazine.
told dad what the doctor said.

then i suggested going for lunch, my stomach was already growling and i think i needed some comfort food as well.
dad told me to choose the place to eat and i chose paddington house of pancake...that was the comfort food i could think of at that time. chinese restaurant ain't gonna offer me the comfort i need....i needed starch.

dad looked more worried that i was although it was not obvious on his face. but you knew that he was thinking of all sorts of things in his head.
he ordered a ribeye steak and i had crepe by the name of 'frankfurt'. i wanted some sausages and cheese and fresh mushroom and beef bacon.
both of us had long black (coffee). i know too much coffee is not good but i think i needed that one....something more bitter than what was going on in my head.

i love my crepe....it was dry and not very starchy. not sure what kind of wheat flour they used but i would recommend this to you.

dad called his pharmacist friend who was coincidently at sime darby medical centre for an endoscope at that time and he helped us ask the price of an mri scan there. it would be around rm1000-rm1500. i called my insurance agent to ask if it was included in my coverage and she said 'no'. but they would foot the bill if they found something and i had to do a surgery.

so that got me thinking.....save time or save money? in the end, money won. so hukm is where i will go on monday.

after lunch (which dad paid), we went back to vista to get another referral letter from the doctor because the previous one he gave had the neurologist's name from sd mc. he wrote me a general one this time around and the lady who was with me during the whole consultation was very helpful.
so i sat down and wait for another 15 mins or so while dad waited outside. i would be lying if i said i was not thinking of the worst at that time. in fact, all sorts of possibilities came. then i was running through my head all the symptoms that i have- heavy head, stiff neck, vertigo, pressure in the eyeball, and mistakes in saying out words which i did not mean to say at all.

i did not want to be pessimistic so i started playing with the camera on the phone. then i decided to take the photo above to remind me how comfortable i was to be in my favourite gears- my evisu jeans, my marc by marc jacob black tee, my burberry bag and my acupuncture shoes. so why should i complain? i think these gears will accompany me to hukm on monday. i need them to give me the comfort.
and so another referral letter was handed to me and the parting words from the staff who attended to be were 'take care' with a touch on my back. gulp!

dad said he would accompany me to hospital on monday. bless him. i hope i would be able to do the scan that day. i might scoot to sd mc if they give me another date.

right now, the neck feels stiff again and the head is heavy on the top. the brain feels like it is swimming in a pool.

i better stay non-chalant and not think too much now. so please don't call me to ask me to repeat the whole thing again or for more details. tears might come into my eyes and i have typed out all i know and experienced today here.

i have already got a day off from work because coincidently my superior called me when i reached home at around 2.30p.m regarding flight tickets to shanghai. she was also planning to go there with her sister. so i told her i won't be going to work on monday. i just told her i am going for a scan....man.....i should have not blurted the word out. it scared her....and me too after that.

so it is still fuzzy for me but as always, there is a silver lining in the dark clouds.
stay with me.