almost suffocated

oh gosh. why do i feel so suffocated? i should be strong and be positive and stay calm right?

but it is kinda hard if you were in my shoes too.

just yesterday, grandmother had a fall when i went out for a meal with visitors from bidor. well, her fall came just as we reached home and thankfully she managed to pull herself up and walked in. the fall was at the backyard outside the house. would the fall be avoided if i did not go out? i don't think so because she was adamant on doing her laundry herself and hanging her towel outside herself. but ...if she had fallen and could not get up by herself, that was when i would be in deep shit.

her injury was a bump on her head, a thin patch of skin fell from her arm and her hip took the impact of the fall. luckily she was scrawny and thus her weight is like feather. i tried getting her to get an x-ray for the hip and spine...just in case, but the doctor was not in today. so have to try again tomorrow. she said her hip felt painful when she walked. and guess what, she does not stop walking at all the whole day!!!! isn't that frustrating??? so many people have told her by phone and in person not to walk but does she listen??? AARRGHHHH!!!!

and just now i told her to drip her eyedrop earlier so she could go to bed earlier and lie down, and she told me not to rush her as she could not sleep even if she was in bed. but couldn't she just lie on bed and then rest?? so here she is, in her chair, then walking to the kitchen, then back to her chair. and later, she is going to get up from her chair with a lot of effort and then walk to the kitchen again. haiz.

and tonight, grandpa did not have his dinner because his stomach was bloated. instead, he took 2 charcoal tablets and now he is in bed. well, he is easier to take care of. he would sit quietly in his chair and read the newspapers. when the time comes, he would move to the chair in front of the tv and watch his news. he is not one who will go and look for trouble. but his cough is not going away at all. it comes not as often now but still it is heckling when it comes. my aunt said it is allergic cough and it is unlikely to go away. so what the hell is the source of allergy??

and do i have my own dilemma?? yes- do i want to retire at 58 or 60? 20 december is the day to sign the paper. and after a day of deliberating and asking some opinions on facebook, i think i am just going to sign up to 60 and just work till my body cannot take it anymore lah. at least the salary is coming in for 2 more years and i am kept busy....well if they keep me busy at that age. hahah.

okok...the washing is done. time to hang them. then i am going to get the broom and mop out. i don't want to wake up the next day dreading housework. i want to anticipate a cup of hot coffee and toasts and sit in front of the computer managing my virtual cafe instead.